October 2, 2015 § Leave a comment
My life is like a latin dance — one step forward, two steps back. I haven’t done anything “me” for much of the year because I’ve been living in the past or in the future — anywhere but the present. (Ironically, around the same time I decided being “present” was one of my core desired feelings!) Somehow the year has taken me down a road where I can barely stand my life — home, neighborhood, work, even my own skin.
I’ve naturally spent much of the same year trying to find some external force to blame … peri-menopause, mid-life, bad-boyfriend-boss, lack of “true” friends, childhood … possibly good excuses, but definitely not answers. I’ve spent some time with a counselor off and on to learn that a) it’s not my husband <g>; b) meds are available and common (still on the fence); and c) mid-life is a time of reinvention and I should embrace it rather than fight it.
What I haven’t been doing is writing. Or meditating. Or journaling. It’s all felt too changeable, mutable, intangible. But I have done some reading and I’ve started to feel my way.
The first thing I’ve learned is that my life is a journey … a work in progress … not a destination. I will never just BE who I am … I will keep DISCOVERING who I am and who I am not. This means that I need to learn to embrace the changeable, mutable, intangible feeling of always being in discovery mode. I can enjoy the knowledge that tomorrow’s picture will not be the same as today’s and that this is GREAT!
The second thing I’ve learned (thanks to Brene Brown’s amazing work) is that I am (forever) imperfect and I am enough. When I acknowledge (and even embrace) those imperfections, my authenticity is a gift to myself and the world. We don’t need more airbrushed cover girls in the world to reinforce our inadequacy (so we continue to consume in our quest for perfection) — we need more real women in the world to own our imperfections and accomplish great things because of them!